We are surrounded by many different voices. We live in diverse cities, in a diverse nation, in a diverse world. Even our towns that feel uniform have a multitude of voices, because each of us bring our unique backgrounds, histories, and cultural identities into the way we experience the world.

But unfortunately, we tend to shut out voices that are too different from our own. We are afraid to hear from those who believe or vote or experience life differently than we do. And so, many people live their entire lives in echo chambers. They only listen to beliefs or ideas that reinforce their own, and so other ideas are never even considered.

I believe we can do better, especially as people who want to live like Jesus. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” According to Jesus, this is one of the most important commandments. But how can we love if we do not listen? 

Our neighbors are not always just like us. If we listen, we are not always going to hear things we agree with or things we completely understand. But how can we even attempt to understand if we do not listen? How can we claim to love others if we ignore their voices? 

There is a lot of brokenness in our world, a lot of division, a lot of hatred, a lot of hurt. And no matter who we are or what we believe, we can’t say we are standing with the alienated and the unheard until we listen. We can’t love until we listen.

And we can’t learn until we listen, either.

So here are 4 tips for listening better. May we all become better listeners together as we cherish our collective experiences and perspectives.

1. Quiet your mind and focus solely on the other person’s words.

Don’t spend the whole time pretending to listen and silently preparing your response. If you are immediately ready with a comeback as soon as the other person is finished speaking, you probably haven’t been actually listening. We have to set our own agendas aside if we are ever going to truly listen.

2. Get comfortable with pauses and silence.

Allow yourself time as you respond to someone whose perspectives and experiences are different from your own. Likewise, give them time to respond to you. Don’t feel the need to fill the silence with meaningless words. 

3. Practice empathy.

Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Try to feel what the other person might be feeling. What would you do in their situation? How would your perspective be different in a given circumstance? How have your life experiences shaped your beliefs and the way you see the world? Empathy helps create connectivity.

4. At the same time, don’t pretend to understand something you don’t.

We can be empathetic without pretending to understand something we don’t and something we never really could. You can never truly know what it is like to endure a certain situation until you’ve been through it yourself—and even then, your experience will still be different because you are not the same person and you bring your own background into that situation.

5. Approach conversations as a learner.

When we move into conversations ready to learn, our defenses go down. It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers. None of us do. And as we listen, we should be ready to learn. 

6. Ask relevant questions and aim to spend more time listening than talking.

Again, learning is the goal of listening. So don’t be afraid to ask questions (ones that pertain to the conversation, of course), and be intentional about listening instead of just filling all the empty space of a conversation with your own voice.

7. Use body language and eye contact to show that you are listening.

Don’t turn away from the person you are talking to. Show them you are listening to encourage the conversation to continue.

8. Don’t interrupt.

This should probably go without saying, but still. Listen to the other person without interrupting. Let them complete their thought before you share yours. 

9. Spend time reflecting on the conversation afterward.

Don’t just forget about your talk as soon as it’s over. Reflect on what has been shared. Think about how your own perspective and ideas have been shaped by what you have heard. What have you learned? How does this change the way you interact with others moving forward?

10. Show love, no matter what.

No matter what happens in a conversation, show love. Show grace. Live the words of Micah 6:8, “To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” And let God guide you as you learn to listen better.

And never forget… you are onederfully created.

Love,
Becca