Last year, I specifically remember a morning I got angry at my husband Seth. All because I made him toast for breakfast and by the time he came to eat it, the toast was cold.

I didn’t want to call that feeling anger. It felt like a tense bundle of knots inside of me, like the tangled mass of chargers and cords in our junk drawer. But I had no real reason to feel angry. So it couldn’t be anger, right? 

Annoyed, maybe. Impatient, perhaps. But angry? Really, truly angry? I had no good excuse for that kind of feeling. 

Then again… maybe I was angry. 

Maybe sometimes, for no real reason, we burst. The brokenness inside our human body gangs up inside of us and exposes its ugliness for everyone around to see. Sadly, the people who often see this ugliness in its worst form are the ones we love most. The ones who are with us when we are relaxed and comfortable.

At the same time, there’s beauty in this madness. Our loved ones see the ugly side of our humanity, and they love us anyway. They forgive us. 

Merriam-Webster defines anger as “a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism.” To dive even deeper into this definition, antagonism is defined as “actively expressed opposition or hostility.”

Usually anger is triggered by an event that sparks this hostility and displeasure. In my particular example, that event was the toast getting cold. On its own, this was a small event. It was insignificant. 

But I believe what happens in our lives is this: we let little, insignificant events build on each other. Like pressure building beneath a volcano, eventually, these events are bound to erupt.

Basically, it wasn’t about the toast.

Of course, our anger doesn’t usually make things better. It makes things worse before we even know it. It sneaks up on us, unnamed and unspoken.

We try to give this emotion different names. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired,” is one of my favorite things to say when I’m feeling this way. Another good one if you’re an introvert like me is, “I just need some time to myself right now.”

Of course, neither of these is true. Anger runs deeper through the veins.

I like Paul’s words on anger in Ephesians 4:26-31: “‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.”

Basically, Paul said that anger itself isn’t sin. Remember how Jesus reacted when he found people selling animals and exchanging money in the temple courts in Jerusalem? He was angry! He made a whip out of cords and chased everyone out of the courts, including the animals. He scattered the coins and overturned tables. He shouted, “Get those out of here! Stop turning my Father’s house into a market!” (John 2:16).

But there’s a difference between righteous anger and unrighteous anger. There’s a difference between anger that causes us to sin and anger that doesn’t cause us to sin. 

Righteous anger is what Jesus felt at the temple. It’s a response to injustice, a reaction to seeing someone or something being harmed or misused. Righteous anger is what a righteous, just God feels when He sees all the injustices in our broken world.

Paul also says that in our anger, we should not sin. Jesus didn’t sin when he scattered the coins and overturned tables. He never actually hurt anyone. He was pursuing justice, trying to return his Father’s house to the place of worship it was meant to be.

My anger that was triggered by a slice of cold toast wasn’t too righteous. And I sinned when I took out my anger on Seth. 

We can be angry without hurting other people. We can (and should) feel angry when we see the many injustices in this world. But we can respond with grace and gentleness. We can respond without speaking words of malice and hatred.

We want people to see Christ in us. We don’t want to seem like ticking time bombs, or like volcanoes due to erupt at any moment.

Let’s identify anger for what it is, and react accordingly.

And never forget… you are onederfully created.

Love,
Becca