Self-love.
It’s a big word in our world today, and a particularly hot topic in Christian circles, where Christ-followers are either all for it or think it’s selfish and unbiblical.
I’ve heard different scriptures quoted to support both sides of the spectrum. A proponent of self-love might quote Mark 12:30-31: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” This argument says you need self-love, because if you don’t love yourself, you can’t really love your neighbor.
On the other hand, a Christian who views self-love as contrary to the Gospel might quote 2 Timothy 3:1-5: “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.” This verse apparently denounces self-love as denying the power of Godliness.
I don’t necessarily buy either argument.
Instead, I buy both.
I think there is a form of self-love that is so important. There is a form of self-love that is the foundation for all the love in other parts of your life: loving people, loving experiences, and even loving your Creator.
But I also think there’s a form of self-love that is harmful, selfish, undesirable, and even unbiblical. Like Paul writes in 2 Timothy, people who are lovers of themselves and lovers of pleasure aren’t lovers of God. And I think a lot of the self-love that the world promotes today is of exactly that variety.
So, what’s the difference?
Here’s the Christ-centered self-love I’m talking about:
1. Christ-centered self-love is being kind to yourself always, because you care about your body as God’s own work of art. It’s not being kind to yourself because you are better than others around you, or because you deserve all the good things of the world. It’s about remembering whose you are. As Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:29, “After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.”
2. Christ-centered self-love is caring for yourself first. You don’t practice self-care because you care about yourself more than others. You do it because you know you must have a present, healthy heart and mind in order to effectively care for others.
3. Christ-centered self-love embraces both strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures. It’s not about viewing yourself as a whole, perfect person. Instead, it’s about realizing you are a sinner, saved only by the grace of God, redeemed by His love. We can be weak, because He is strong. Even though we fail, He never will.
4. Christ-centered self-love fights the demons of stress, self-loathing, anxiety, and depression. It’s not about combating demons by your own ability. You’re combating these demons in the name of Jesus, with prayer and the word of God.
5. Christ-centered self-love is intentional. It’s not about loving yourself so much you forget about those around you. It’s about knowing when you need to step back and remember that you are a beloved child of God.
6. Christ-centered self-love tackles everyday tasks with a renewed attitude and appreciation for the gifts God so richly gives. It’s not about praising yourself for your own abilities and successes. It’s about giving the glory to the Creator.
7. Christ-centered self-love differentiates between desires and necessities. It’s not about attending to all the desires of your heart. It’s not about giving yourself all the chocolate bars and bubble baths you long for (though I love both of those things). It’s about knowing what you need in order to be a present, attentive person on fire for the Gospel.
8. Christ-centered self-love practices radical forgiveness. You can’t just forgive yourself, and you can’t just forgive others. You need to forgive any and every person who wrongs you, or you are only hurting yourself.
9. Christ-centered self-love tells a positive story and challenges self-negativity. It’s not about your story. It’s about God’s story, and how He is placing your life into His beautiful narration.
10. Christ-centered self-love does not love itself more than others. Jesus talked about loving our neighbor as we love ourself. We need to have that foundation of loving ourselves in order to love our neighbor well. But it’s never, ever about loving yourself more than others.
We don’t practice healthy, Christ-centered self-love because we seek pleasure in this world. We practice this kind of self-love because we love God, and we are created in His image. Because of that, we love who God created us to be.
We shouldn’t love ourselves by seeking pleasure from the world. But we should love ourselves by caring for and appreciating God’s creation – because that is what we are!
And it’s true… if we don’t love ourselves, can we really love our neighbor? If we don’t love ourselves, the very image of God, can we really love God?
Christ-centered self-love is a lifestyle of loving yourself EXACTLY the way God created you. That includes loving your appearance, your flaws, your talents, your weaknesses… it’s loving yourself, a child of God, in the fullness of who you are!
God’s greatest commandment is to love, and that doesn’t exclude loving yourself.
Never forget… you are onederfully created in Christ.
Love,
Becca
Well written! I love this!
Thank you so much, Diane! I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
I absolutely LOVE this post! The right kind of self love is good, not the pleasure seeking self love if the world. You are exactly right! If we don’t practice a Christ centered self love then we are not able to love God and others. Our bodies are the temple for the Holy Spirit, just like the church building is the temple for the body of Christ. We take care of buildings, it only makes sense to take care of the temple for God’s Spirit as well!
Kylie, I’m glad you enjoyed it! I’ve been so encouraged by your site as well. And YES – I think this is such an important distinction. Self-love is such a big word today, and it’s an important piece of faith IF it is a Christ-centered love. We care for ourselves because we are God’s temple! Amen! 🙂
I love this article. I have to agree with you to a point, you have to be able to love yourself before you can love anyone else. But you can’t let that love become more important than your love of God.
Gina, exactly! The love of God is always the most important. Without it, we can’t even truly understand what it means to love ourselves, or anyone else.
I love this post! I have been working on some self love areas in my own life, which is hard when I have four kids needing me constantly! But, when I am feeling great, I can do amazing things with them and that’s what is important to me!
Maribeth, I’m glad you found it helpful! We don’t have kids yet, so I don’t exactly know what that feels like! But I can imagine it would be difficult to make time for yourself when you are raising four little ones. It’s definitely a process, and it’s great to hear you’re finding ways to make it work! 🙂
I love this distinction. I grew up with the idea that it was wrong to love yourself. That all of the problems in the world were because people loved themselves and that led me to being a people pleaser who burned herself out caring for everyone, catering to everyone, and never standing up for myself even in the face of verbal abuse. I’ve struggled with the idea that a Christian is allowed to stand up for themselves, fearful that it’s somehow selfish. I’m convinced now that this is no longer true, now I’m just working on developing the bravery to live as if it’s no longer true 😉
Tia, I’m glad you liked the post! I’ve also often heard that point of view from many Christians. And I’m right with you… I’m definitely a people-pleaser and I have a terrible time saying no! But yes – be brave and know that there is a place for loving yourself, as long as first and foremost, your relationship with yourself and with others is centered on the love of Christ <3
This was very insightful! I wholeheartedly agree about the difference between the two types of “self love”, but I’ve never seen it articulated so well. 🙂
I’m glad you found it insightful, Ashley! To be honest, this was a tough article for me to write because I wanted to make sure I was clear in the distinction, so your feedback is great to hear! 🙂
Yes x million! I love this! You took the words right out of my mouth. Bottom line: Self-love is healthy when done with God’s view of us in mind. So many Christians think either or, but in reality, this concept is all about balance and perspective.
Erica – yes, yes, yes!! Thanks for summing it up so well. Balance and perspective are so important when it comes to self-love 🙂
I struggle with self love. It’s not always easy. I do appreciate the blog and it being Christ centered. I needed the reminder.
You’re right… self-love isn’t always easy, and it’s certainly something I’ve struggled with over the years as a Christian woman. I’m glad this post meant something to you today!
Self love is one of the toughest lessons to learn. Thanks for the great post!
You’re right, Debbi! It is a tough lesson to learn, especially when our view of self-love can be so limited. I’m glad you enjoyed it! 🙂