Sweet friend, sometimes you just need to ask for help.

This is a big lesson I continue to learn. Because I was born with one arm, I can be pretty determined and that determination can sometimes look more like stubbornness. But I’ve grown to be determined because my whole life, people have thought I need them to do things for me. People have always tried to help me with things, even if I don’t ask for help. I’m not going to lie… I’m not a big fan of that sort of special treatment.

I remember one time in particular when one of my friends took a box of cereal out of my hand and poured it for me. She just assumed I’d need help, but I didn’t. She assumed I couldn’t pour my cereal with one arm, but it doesn’t take two arms to pour a bowl of cereal. I didn’t need help and I didn’t want it, and so when she helped me, I just ended up feeling frustrated.

I want to be treated like anyone else. Do normal people need help pouring cereal? No, typically not. Would a normal person be happy if you took a box of cereal out of their hand and did it for them? Again, probably not.

The problem is, this attitude can get me into trouble. Because sometimes, I do need help. I’ve talked before about those dreadful mayonnaise packets my kindergarteners get for lunch each day (you can read more about them in my post about teaching kindergarten one-handed). Those are despicable. I’ve learned to open them, but I won’t turn down help for those individually packaged monsters.

But I’ve learned that I can’t expect other people to know whether I need help, or whether I’d be frustrated by the help. I mean, a basic rule of thumb is that if I look like I’m having a hard time with something, I might need that extra hand. This is a pretty good rule for anyone, not just people with one arm. If someone is visibly struggling, help a friend out.

At the same time, people aren’t always going to see you struggling. People aren’t always going to realize you’re having a hard time—and this life lesson applies whether you’re having a hard time opening a mayonnaise packet, or life in general has left you feeling discouraged and alone.

Sometimes you can’t assume people see your suffering. Sometimes it’s best if you just swallow your pride and your stubbornness (I’m preaching to myself here) and ask for help. Because in my experience, if I don’t want to ask for help when I need it, it’s because I’m being prideful. I don’t want anyone to see me as weak or incapable. I’m stubborn. I want to do it myself. I want to prove my ability.

But friend, it’s okay to ask for help. It can be good and healthy to ask for help. We all have to do it sometimes. People aren’t going to look down on you for asking for help, and if they do… well, those aren’t the kind of people you want to surround yourself with, anyway.

On top of that, God created us to live in community with each other. He knew life is too big for us to tackle on our own. We need Him, and we need others in our lives to support us and care for us, as we support them and care for them. It’s how God designed humanity.

Sharing our struggles doesn’t just bring a helping hand; it brings a sense of vulnerability that helps build relationships as well.

When I was younger, and super determined to do everything on my own, I talked my sweet parents into buying me some pretty silly things. For example, one thing I can’t do very well is put sunscreen on my back (who can?). So I asked them to buy me this ridiculous lotion applicator that was basically a long rod with a sponge attached. It was absurd. I only used that thing once or twice at the most.

I also didn’t learn how to put my hair up until I was in high school. When I was in middle school, I was convinced that the only way I could learn how to put my hair up was by buying some funny-looking hair tie that was designed specifically for people with one hand. So I asked them to buy me one, and I don’t even know that I used it once. I learned that I’d rather figure out how to do my hair with a regular hair tie than have a silly hair tie with an extra long elastic hanging out of my hair.

You know, in both of those cases, it would’ve been so much easier just to ask for help. It would’ve been so much better just to ask for help.

So like I said, friend, it’s okay to ask for help. Next time you’re struggling to do something on your own, please remember that you don’t have to do that. Life is better when we can give each other a hand.

And never forget… you are onederfully created.

Love,
Becca