I love people. I love how each person is uniquely and intentionally created by God for a purpose. I love seeing God’s fingerprint on every individual, no matter how different they are from me. I love my friends and I love spending time with family.

But, I’m an introvert. I get worn out when I spend a lot of time in social situations. I’m energized by spending time alone, or with just Seth.

Seth, on the other hand, is definitely an extrovert. He comes alive in groups of people. He thrives in social settings. He is quick to make new friends and new connections. And though he likes some time to himself, he really doesn’t need as much of it as I do.

Sometimes this difference in personality traits really works out in our favor. And sometimes it can be difficult to make sure both of us get what we need socially. But, as we grow in our relationship, fall deeper in love, and get to know each other better with each passing day, we’ve learned some practical ways to care for each other in regards to my introversion and his extroversion.

Many other couples I know also have this difference in their personality traits. It happens naturally, as the more extroverted partner is comfortable to reach out and pursue the more introverted partner. And the introverted partner is content to step back while the extroverted partner takes initiative in social situations.

If you’re an introvert and your significant other is an extrovert, or if it’s the other way around, here are some tips to help you care for each other and to make sure you are both meeting your social needs!

1. Meet your social needs independently.

I need time to myself, and Seth needs times with others. So sometimes, I’ll stay at home and write or read while Seth goes fishing with friends. That way, we’re both getting what we need at the same time, and when we reconnect, we’re re-energized and have more to give each other.

2. Establish social balance together.

At the same time, your social needs shouldn’t always be met independently. For married couples in particular, you are now one. It’s not healthy to always part ways when you need to socialize (or not socialize).

Be intentional about building time with friends and time to yourselves into your schedules. The introvert can always benefit from time with friends, and the extrovert can always benefit from time alone.

If it wasn’t for Seth, I would have a lot of trouble making new friends because I’d never feel like doing anything with anyone else. I’m too content to just be with him. And if it wasn’t for me, Seth would always be going and going, and wouldn’t take time for himself to rest.

3. Be aware of your significant other’s needs and limits.

There have been times when we’re at a social gathering and Seth’s looked at me and known it was time to leave. And there have been times when I’ve looked at Seth and realized we had to go out and do something with others.

It’s a good feeling to know someone loves you enough to sacrifice their comfort so you can be comfortable.

Being aware of each other’s needs and limits builds love, respect, and empathy.

4. Show grace.

When you’re an introvert and he’s an extrovert, you will be in situations where one of you is loving life and one of you is overwhelmed and exhausted. And that’s okay.

Love is a work in progress and a daily choice. Choose to love and show grace, even when it doesn’t come easy. It’s never simple to bring two lives together and blend them into one. But if God is at the center of your marriage, use His ultimate example of grace to model how you should treat your spouse. This relates to your personality traits and all other aspects of life as well.

And in the midst of it all, God made you both the way you are for a reason; it was no mistake. Both introversion and extroversion are gifts from above. They are not excuses to live a certain way, but they are traits endowed from the Creator that enable us to connect with different people and with ourselves in different ways.

You are onederfully created in Him. Never forget that.

Love,
Becca