I love marriage. I love how Seth texts me each morning after I leave to remind me how much I mean to him. I love coming home every day to a man I know loves me with all of his heart. I love seeing the little love notes written on the chalkboard in our kitchen. I love going on fun, spur-of-the-moment adventures with my roommate and best friend.

Most of all, I love Seth, and I’m so thankful to have him as my husband.

But I will say, it’s not all sunshine and butterflies. There are things no one tells you about that first year of marriage, a milestone we reached in May.

Perhaps people don’t tell you these things because they don’t want to scare you, but I’m not trying to scare you. I just think you should know what you’re getting in to, and marriage isn’t exactly what it looks like in chick flicks and romance novels! There are so many joys, but there are also very real challenges.

So today, I’m going to spare you the sunshine and butterflies and tell you a few things about that first year you might’ve never heard before!

1. The first year of marriage requires sacrifice.

Communication and quality time are foundational characteristics of a successful marriage. If you don’t communicate with your spouse, or you don’t make time for them, your relationship isn’t going to be healthy. This is a pretty basic concept.

But communication and quality time both take time. This time’s going to have to come from other parts of your life. You might have to sacrifice other hobbies or activities that used to mean a lot to you.

I’m not saying you should cut out doing things you enjoy. But you might not be able to spend as much time watching Netflix or playing video games or doing makeup tutorials, because you need some of that time to give to your spouse.

On the other hand, don’t keep your spouse from doing things he loves! As long as it’s in moderation and you spend healthy time together, you should both still have your own hobbies.

This is something Seth and I learned quickly. My love language is quality time, so I was constantly wanting to spend time with him. Before we were married, Seth spent a lot of his time fishing. He learned to sacrifice some of his time fishing for me, and I learned to sacrifice some of my time with him so he could still go fishing.

2. The first year of marriage involves compromise.

When God created the world, He created marriage: the idea that a man will leave his parents to be united with his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

They will become one flesh. That’s pretty strong wording. I’m one person, and Seth’s a different person, but with marriage, we became one flesh.

Now, unless you and your spouse are EXACTLY the same (which isn’t possible), your relationship is going to have some compromise involved. Compromise doesn’t end with the first year of marriage, but there’s a lot of compromising that first year because you’re still learning each other’s quirks, likes, dislikes, and points of contention.

Areas that require compromise for a lot of couples include finances, communication, sex, and family dynamics.

Here’s an example: Seth is a great communicator. He loves when we talk through things with each others, and he’s pretty much an open book.

I’m exactly the opposite. I like to keep my feelings inside. I don’t talk about them until I’m sure about what I feel, and what I feel that way. I don’t talk through things; I think through things, and then I talk about them later.

This was really hard when we first got married. Seth would get frustrated with me for not communicating, and I’d get frustrated with him because I didn’t understand why I needed to.

So, we learned to compromise. It’s not a perfect system, but now, if I know there’s something I should be talking through with Seth, I write it down first, because that’s easier for me. And for his part (because compromise is a two-way street), if Seth sees I don’t want to talk about something at the moment or need more time to think about it first, he gives me time and doesn’t push me.

3. The first year of marriage calls for a whole lot of humility, gentleness, and patience.

In Ephesians 4:2, Paul writes, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” He’s talking about unity in the body of Christ, but his words easily apply to unity in marriage as well.

Both you and your spouse must learn to be humble. Embrace your mistakes. Be okay with figuring things out together. Listen to each other. Never assume you are correct and your spouse is out-of-line.

Both you and your spouse must grow in gentleness. You will get in arguments and you will fight. That’s just the reality of marriage and of all relationships. But be gentle with each other. Be kind and quick to forgive. Don’t hold grudges.

Both you and your spouse must practice patience. You’re on a journey together. Be patient with each other and with the circumstances – good and bad – that are thrown your way that first year. Life can get tough, but your attitude will make a big difference.

So for that first year of marriage, be ready to sacrifice. Prepare to compromise. Pray for humility, gentleness, and patience.

And if you are with someone who really loves you and really loves God, you’re on your way to a happy, healthy marriage.

By the way… never forget you are onederfully created.

Love,
Becca