You’ve been waiting for this moment for what feels like forever: the man of your dreams is down on one knee. He’s asking you a question, but you’re hardly listening. You already know your answer.
“Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you!”
Actually, when Seth asked me to marry him a little less than two years ago, I said, “No way!”
Of course, I said this out of surprise, and not as a rejection. My answer was yes. Without a doubt in my mind or a hesitation in my heart, yes.
But… yes doesn’t need to be the automatic answer.
Marriage is a lifelong covenant. It’s a commitment between two people. It’s a promise to do life together, no matter what happens, and to love each other conditionally even in the toughest times.
Marriage is not easy. It’s not about planning a wedding celebration and saying yes to the dress and flaunting a diamond ring. It’s not about feeling relieved of the pressure society puts on us to find “the one.” It’s not something that should be entered into lightly.
Hear me when I say I love marriage. I love having Seth as my husband. Marrying Seth has been one of God’s greatest gifts in my life.
But, I do think there should be some real thought put into answering that coveted question, “Will you marry me?” (Or, before asking it.)
Here are 5 things to know before you say yes. Hopefully, by the time you’re faced with the big question, you’ll already know all these things with confidence.
1. You should know your significant other’s favorite things.
Seth’s favorite color is blue. He loves fishing. His favorite author is Francis Chan. He’s most comfortable in jeans, a flannel, and a baseball cap.
This is pretty basic, but it’s important to be able to list off some of your SO’s favorite things. If you don’t know his favorite color or his favorite restaurant, how much do you really know about him?
There’s a chance he might know more about you than you know about him. Make sure you are both ready and willing to listen to each other, even about the smallest things. Good communication is such a vital part of a relationship, so do your relationship a favor and start at the basics.
2. You should know how your goals and dreams fit together.
Or, how they don’t fit together. And, I know this sounds really harsh, but if your goals and dreams don’t fit together, maybe the two of you shouldn’t be together at all.
God changed and reshaped a lot of my dreams and Seth’s dreams in time we spent in prayer together before and during our relationship. He transformed our dreams in a way that brought our hearts together.
But, recognize what is God’s hand and what is your own. You should never sacrifice who you are because you want to be with someone. Talk about your goals and your dreams, and be clear with each other from the start.
This includes career goals, dreams about a future family, where you want to live, how you want to live, etc.
3. You should know where you stand together and apart spiritually.
Individually, how does your faith compare? Does your theology line up well? If you come from different faith traditions, do you believe the same where it matters to you?
Seth and I come from very different faith backgrounds. He grew up in a non-denominational, charismatic church with heavy Pentecostal influence. I was raised in a Mennonite church. But our personal theological beliefs line up almost perfectly.
If you know there is a point of contention in your faith that the two of you will never be able to reconcile, this probably isn’t going to work out.
Together, how is your faith? Do you pray together? Do you encourage each other with God’s word? Do you strength each other in faith, or do you weaken each other?
A strong relationship has Christ at the center. Before you say yes, you should be able to see Christ at the center of your relationship.
4. You should know how he makes you feel.
The man you are going to marry should make you feel accepted, beautiful, cherished, and loved. Anything less than that isn’t worth your time.
You should recognize he won’t ever complete you, but he should still add something to your life. Otherwise, why would you bother going through the trials and hardships that do come with marriage?
5. You should know it’s going to work.
At the end of the day, if you are going to say yes, you should know it’s going to work. If you are going to say yes, you should be confident that you want him at your side for the rest of your life. You should be without hesitation that you’ve found your life partner.
Otherwise, maybe you should wait. And it’s okay to wait.
I mentioned it earlier, but I really do believe society places an unhealthy pressure on being in a relationship. It’s okay to be single. Singleness has its benefits.
Be comfortable with waiting and trusting in God. Don’t sacrifice who you are or risk your happiness because you’re afraid of being alone.
And here’s one thing you should never forget: you are a onederfully created child of the one true King.
Love,
Becca
