Seth is going through a challenging time at work right now. He’s an accountant in the middle of tax season. He’s working 80 plus hours a week. He’s tired, stressed, and most of the time I think he feels like he has more work to do than time to do it.

I, on the other hand, am in the middle of a good season with my kindergarten classroom. Yes, there have been some recent changes, but with only two and a half months left in the school year, we finally seem to be settling into a good routine. I feel content with where my class is at. I’m seeing all the progress we’ve made together, and I’m happy with that. I’m typically not super tired or stressed after work. Instead, I come home with plenty of energy to tackle chores and go for a walk and write.

But then I see my sweet husband, tired and hurting, and I hurt too. I’m like an emotion-absorber. I want to support him, but it’s hard because I feel so helpless. I feel like there’s nothing I can do to lighten his load. And at the same time, I just really miss him. I miss spending time with him and laughing together and going on adventures. I feel like a bit of a tax widow.

Last Friday, I went out for coffee (well, I got a smoothie because I don’t do coffee, but you get the picture) with a dear friend. She’s been married for a lot longer than I have, and she helped talk me through some of the ways I can best support Seth during this season.

So here are seven ways you can support someone you love during his or her most difficult seasons. I hope you find them helpful during those times that you’re doing okay but a person you love is feeling a little overwhelmed.

1. Don’t make their pain about you.

It’s easy for me to internalize all of Seth’s stress and feel pretty miserable myself. I like to think I’m an empathetic person, but sometimes, my empathy can get me into trouble. Your loved one doesn’t need you to be upset too. In fact, that’s only going to add to their feelings of overwhelm. It’s great to empathize, but don’t make their pain all about you.

2. Listen, and don’t try to fix it.

You should be a safe person for your loved ones to vent to from time to time. When your significant other or friend needs to get something off his chest, let him talk and listen. Most of the time, he’s probably not looking to you for an answer, so don’t try to fix it. Just listen. That’s probably what he needs most.

3. Help pick up some of their household chores (if it’s your spouse or roommate).

Seth does a lot around our home. He typically does the dishes, takes out the trash, feeds the dog, and occasionally cooks dinner. Right now, he doesn’t really have time for any of that. But I do, and so one way I can ease some of his stress is simply by picking up some of the chores he usually takes care of. This is pretty basic, but it’s the biggest way I’ve found that I can actually take pressure off of Seth during this season.

4. Be intentional about asking how they’re doing.

I think a lot of us easily get stuck in the rut of asking each other, “How was your day?”, without expecting a long and specific answer. It’s the same as when we ask people, “How are you?” We ask it, but we’re not anticipating they really dive into the details of their lives.

I want to change that. I want to ask people how they’re doing and wait for the real answer. I think vulnerability and sharing our struggles with each other is important… especially when it comes to your loved ones.

5. Make the time that you do have together extra special.

Seth has been deliberate in taking Sundays off so he has one day of rest each week. I’m learning that even that one day can make a big difference if we’re purposeful in making our time together special (rather than just spending all that time binge-watching Netflix). Now, because the difficulty of Seth’s current season centers around his lack of rest, I do need to let him rest. But we can still make it special. We can rent a movie we’ve been wanting to watch, or go for a walk to get some fresh air, or order Seth’s favorite kind of pizza. The way you frame something makes a big difference, so you can call something a date that you might not typically call a date, and that somehow honestly makes it better.

6. Use words of encouragement, and acknowledge that life is just hard sometimes.

I’m trying to encourage Seth as often as possible right now, reminding him that I’m proud of him, I love him, I see all the hard work he’s doing, and I’m so thankful to be his wife. And also, I’m verbally acknowledging the difficulty of the season he is in. Life is just hard sometimes, and during those times, admitting it can be healthy and helpful.

7. Remember that it’s only for a season.

This is only for a season. Remember that for you, and remember that for your loved one. Because yes, friend, I know your loved one’s difficult seasons are difficult for you as well. I feel that. I miss Seth. It’s hard. But you’re going to get through it… I promise you that.

I hope these simple words provide you with some encouragement and some practical tips to help you get through your loved one’s difficult seasons. And please share any other ideas you have in the comments below! I’d love to hear more suggestions.

And never forget… you are onederfully created.

Love,
Becca