Seth’s birthday is this weekend, and I still haven’t gotten him a birthday gift (shhh, don’t tell!). But, I do think I know what I’m going to get him, and *spoiler alert*, it’s not a material gift.
There’s immense commercial pressure on birthdays and Christmas to buy, buy, buy gifts for your loved ones. But, I’d argue that material gifts aren’t always the best gifts. Sometimes, people really do have everything they already need. Sometimes, there could be another gift they’d like even more than a material one (or, in addition to a material one).
So I’m going to throw out five ideas of gifts you can give to show love to your loved one – and only one of them requires a trip to the store.
Many of you have probably heard of Gary Chapman’s five love languages: quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch, and words of affirmation.
Dr. Chapman’s popular relationship book is called The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. The idea behind the book is that each person has a primary love language. When we understand our love languages and the love languages of our loved ones, we can better connect with and care for each other.
My love language is quality time. I feel most loved by Seth, by my friends, and by my family when they spend time with me.
Seth’s love language is words of affirmation. He feels most loved when I tell him all that he means to me, and what I admire most about him.
What if we applied the five love languages to gift-giving? Here’s how I see it.
1. For the one who loves quality time.
Instead of buying this person a present, give them the gift of your presence. Set aside an entire day to spend with them. Plan it out. Make it special. Eliminate distractions (like cell phones) so your loved one can get true quality time, with your full attention.
As a person with the love language of quality time, this gift would mean the world to me.
2. For the one who loves receiving gifts.
So for this person, you can head to the store or log into Amazon. Traditional gift-giving works for him! But still put thoughtfulness into your purchase, or even design something yourself.
3. For the one who loves acts of service.
Think of a need in this person’s life. Does he need his living walls painted or has he been hinting about restoring that old kitchen table? Find an act of service, and surprise him by acting it out. In his thankfulness, he’ll feel so loved.
4. For the one who loves physical touch.
This one’s a bit tougher, but be creative! This sounds a little corny, but if it’s your spouse, you could give him coupons for free kisses, massages, foot rubs, etc. to be redeemed at any time.
5. For the one who loves words of affirmation.
Here’s Seth’s love language! One thing I always give him on his birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, and other milestones is a handwritten note. It’s nothing fancy, but I put into words everything he means to me.
If you’re not a letter-writer, you can verbalize everything that person means to you. There are letters that you can buy to record a message, or you could even work together with others to put together a little video where each of you share some words of affirmation!
These are just some quick ideas, but the point is that you don’t necessarily need to rush to the mall to pick up that birthday gift. Gifts don’t always need to be material. There are other ways to give.
I’d challenge you to shift your focus from giving gifts to giving love. Love is what matters most. The best gift is to make someone feel loved. That simple change in mindset can help make you more thoughtful when it comes to celebrating big life events like birthdays.
And please, my friend… never forget you are onederfully created in Christ.
Love,
Becca
